adoption day 2

This is day two for us with the boys. Already we are falling into a routine, which is a good thing. Connor continues to behave like a wild-man, Ben (BingHui) mimics him (or instigates the action himself) and John (FengHong)quietly watches. John smiles a lot, but doesn’t say much. Of course, he knows that no one understands him. It was funny, this morning over breakfast when the kids tried to converse,Ben kept talking and talking to Xiao, and Xiao couldn’t understand him. Xiao said that Ben spoke with a different accent, or maybe it was gibberish.Young kids sometimes just say stuff that doesn’t make sense. But Ben kept trying to get Xiao to understand him, and he spoke louder and louder. It was cracking us all up. John, Cheng’s parents and Xiao all said that half the time what Ben says they can’t understand, but the other half of the time he’s really smart and speaks clearly. At lunch yesterday he raised his glass and exclaimed “Gombay” (sp?) which means Cheers. When we went to the Natural History Museum today, every time he saw a dinosaur he would exclaim in excitement and call out the dinosaur’s species (according to Xiao). Ben also told Cheng’s dad, “Those are dinosaur eggs. The baby dinosaurs come out of them.” Yesterday, he was counting in Chinese, and Connor was trying to teach him how to count in English. Today, in the pool, he said, “Ready? Set. Go!” They were playing a game and I had been saying “Ready, Set, Go” for awhile. He also tries to say his ABC’s (gets up to F, but says B twice).Ben is still obsessed with the camera, and he’s taken hundreds of photos, some of them actually printable. Right now, Connor and Ben are wrestling and yelling, and John is watching TV. It’s going to take John awhile to warm up. Not that he’s cold, by any means, just a little shy. At the museum, John and Connor were playing straw, straw, straw, shoot, and also a game where you have to push each other until one relents. Connor was also teaching John how to swim today in the pool. John is now putting his face in the water and holding his breath. One thing that surprises me is that John and Ben don’t try to talk to each other much. Maybe it’s because there is such a large age difference, or maybe it’s the fact that Ben speaks with a different accent half the time. I was hoping that they would be able to retain their language through conversation with each other, but so far they ignore each other most of the time.

adoption day 1 cont.

It’s 2:00AM, March 20th, and I have so much that I need to write down that I can’t sleep. I know how important it will be to our sons to have every detail of their adoptions preserved, and thoughts keep running through my mind. First of all, I don’t feel as if I captured FengHong’s arrival and personality on paper yet. I need to replay it in my mind, and then get my fingers to cooperate. I hate the keyboard on my new computer (it’s tiny) and that is slowing down my writing. Generally, I can type as fast as I can talk. Now, I am typing so slowly that I have to think slowly too. Anyway, FengHong walked into the lobby of the hotel, looking nervous, but not terrified. Of course, he’s much older than BingHui, and maybe more prepared for the idea of adoption. I approached him first and gave him a little hug. I told him I was his mama. He nodded a little. I called Connor and BingHui over to meet FengHong. For the 30 minutes (while we waited for FengHong) Connor and BingHui had been terrorizing the lobby of the hotel room. Really. They were playing tag and climbing on the furniture and just being loud obnoxious boys. I would not have allowed Connor to behave that way publicly, but I know that he was bonding with BingHui and that is more important than decorum in a hotel lobby. Anyway, Connor and BingHui came over and I introduced them to FengHong as “Didi, and didi” Yes, a year of Chinese lessons and all I can come up with are the words for mother and little brother. I asked the guide to tell FengHong that we just adopted BingHui this morning. I knew that would make him feel better because it is obvious that BingHui is a bit of a firecracker and is having a great time today. Then, the orphanage director asked where FengHong could wash up because he’d been sick in the car. Oh yeah, I totally forgot about that. David stepped in then and offered to take FengHong to the bathroom. Off they went. By the time they came back, FengHong had a shy smile on his face. He still didn’t speak to us, but he was looking around curiously at everything. I had to deal with paperwork for another 15 minutes, and the three boys all began to play in the lobby. We discovered that we were missing a copy of our home-study, so I left David in charge of the wild Indians, all led by Chief Connor, and I went upstairs to get the flashdrive with the scanned copies of all our documents. When I came back downstairs, FengHong was trying to teach Connor a game with a rope and a wheel. It looked like they were going to be ok. with each other. FengHong isn’t much bigger than Connor really, and it was fun to see them playing. BingHui was taking pictures. Oh, I forgot to mention, before I had to go upstairs, BingHui literally grabbed my hand and led me over to the coach next to FengHong. Then he dragged Connor there, and made us “pose” for a photo. He loves the digital camera, and he obviously remembered that in the morning he was required to pose for the camera. I only hope the camera doesn’t break and we lose the photos. He wore out one battery already. I also forgot to mention in my previous entry that BingHui has a little bit of a cold. When we picked him up at the orphanage, I was given two boxes of Chinese medicine to give BingHui. Of course, I have no idea what is in the medicine or how much to give him. Instead of medicating him, we just hand him a tissue whenever his nose is dripping, and he wipes it up and hands me back the tissue. BingHui is quite independent. A curious thing about him though, is that he tells everyone who asks that he is 5 years old. David and I rechecked his documents, and they say that he was born in Aug. 2003, which would make him 6 years old. Generally, if a mistake is made, it is to say a child (who is small) is younger than they actually are, not older. I mean to say that the officials might find a child and estimate his age as 2, when he’s really 3. BingHui is small enough to be 5, it just seems odd that his documents definitely show him entering the orphanage in 2003.We will ask our guide to check on that on Monday. It doesn’t matter to us, but it might influence medical tests etc. Speaking of medical tests, we found out that this morning (actually it would be yesterday morning now) that FengHong was taken to the hospital for a TB test just prior to arriving for the adoption. It’s unfortunate that the children have to have yet one more traumatic experience on the day they meet their new family. The Children’s Welfare number 1 forgot to have BingHui get the TB test, prior to our arrival.Our guide said that it used to be done in Guangzhou as part of the medical exam there, but now (a recent change) it needs to be done at the beginning of the adoption process. That way if the results are abnormal, treatment can be started before flying home to the U.S. Currently, BingHui has a little bit of a cough and a runny nose, and I’m hoping that his congestion doesn’t lead to complications for the test. I have antibiotics that I brought with me, and I’m trying to decide if I should administer them to the boys. Both boys seem healthy overall, but the cautious approach is to treat them here in China for virtually everything before we leave for the U.S. Honestly though, I’m not sure how I’d get BingHui to take the antibiotic if he didn’t want it. He is a stubborn eater and quite definite about what he likes. He takes everything off his plate that he doesn’t want and dumps it on my plate. Mostly, both boys eat rice. BingHui did tell Xiao that his favorite foods are McDonalds and KFC. If I didn’t mention it before, he is full of spit and vinegar. In the pool yesterday, Xiao was trying to talk to BingHui about his age and if he attended school. While they were chatting, I decided to take a photo. Suddenly, Xiao burst into laughter. He told me that BingHui told him to “Stop talking to me!She’s trying to take a picture!” Yep, he’s a bossy little thing too. Xiao said that FengHong said that he doesn’t know his favorite food. We found out that FengHong is in 6th grade at a normal school. That might be age-appropriate because there is sometimes a 3 year age difference between the oldest and the youngest in a certain grade, according to Xiao. Children begin first grade at 7 or 8 years old in China. It also seems as if FengHong understands a little bit of English. Not much, mind you, but a little. I showed him photos of our family and our house and he seemed to understand. Did I mention playing in the pool? There is a children’s wading pool here, and all the kids spent most of the time in that shallow area. FengHong and BingHui spend most of their time splashing Connor. When they double teamed him like that, Connor just jumps out of the shallow pool into the deep water. It’s apparent that both boys had been to swimming pools before and love the water. Whew. They can’t swim, but I see swimming lessons in the future. BingHui also had no issues with the westernized toilet. Within 5 minutes of arriving at the hotel he told David (in Chinese) that he had to go to the bathroom. When David didn’t understand, BingHui yanked on his pants to demonstrate. BingHui has absolutely no trouble communicating with us through pantomime,although he did ask Cheng’s father, “Do you speak Chinese?” FengHong is a bit shy. I forgot to ask David if FengHong had any fears of the flushing toilet. Both boys knew how to brush their teeth, and FengHong brought his own pajamas in his backpack. FengHong, as I said, is much quieter than BingHui, but he seems to be just observing. When we said prayer at dinner, FengHong tried to mimic our motions. He is quietly working things out in his head, it seems. We have only had him with us for about four hours, since he was asleep by 8p. David climbed into the bed with the boys and they watched cartoons for about 5 min. before falling asleep. I’ll write more about FengHong’s personality as I get to know him better tomorrow. We are going to the Museum of History tomorrow with Cheng’s parents, Xiao, and Xiao’s parents. That should be a long, eventful day, so maybe I’d better try to go back to sleep. It’s 3:00AM now and we have to be up in three hours.

adoption day 1

Wow! So much has happened in such a short time!! Where do I start? Well, the trip to China was long, but uneventful. We arrived on time and Cheng’s parents were at the airport to greet us, as was the guide from WACAP. We were driven to the hotel with the guide, we visited with Cheng’s parents (who know very little English) and then Xiao arrived to visit us. Cheng’s parents took us out to a fabulous, amazing, 25 course (at least) dinner in a private room in a famous restaurant. I could write pages about the elaborate production of the meal, the fish tanks etc., but all that is secondary to the adoptions. Let’s just say we were wined and dined like royalty, and leave it at that. This morning at 8:30am we left for the orphanage to pick up BingHui. It was a 40 min. drive, and we were nervous the entire trip. We pulled up to the gates of the orphanage and were let in by the security guard. The entrance and lobby of the orphanage were quite grand, and I took a few photos quickly. We were led into a conference room where we were met by the director. Our guide translated for us that a teacher was going to go get BingHui, but we had some documents to sign first. After about 15-20 min. of signing and fingerprinting, BingHui followed a teacher into the conference room. He looked tiny and scared, lost underneath his bulky turquoise jacket. I went to him, kneeled down to give him a hug and felt him shaking. The teacher pulled out the photos I had sent a few months ago, and directed BingHui to identify us and point to mom, dad, brother. He obeyed, but we could tell he was terrified. The first word he actually said was “Ba,” which means Dad. David was trying to talk to him by then. We were happy when the guide told us he just called David “Dad.” Then the tears started. He was crying and David picked him up to comfort him, but he wanted to be put back down. The poor kid was forced (by the guide and the orphanage director) to pose for several photos and pretend to look happy. I know that it will be important to him to see these photos later in life, but I couldn’t blame him for being miserable. BingHui was holding the disposable camera that we had sent him last month to take photos of his foster family, and he fixated his gaze on the camera on the ride to the hotel. About 10 minutes into the ride, he fell asleep. When we got to the hotel room and saw all the toys, he was a whole new child. He knew immediately how to work with Playdough and balloons, and within 5 minutes he was chasing Connor around pretending to shoot him with the balloon pump. He was also thrilled that I let him play with our (old) digital camera. Laughing hysterically, he took pictures of Connor making faces, and he didn’t hesitate to pose us or point for us to go to a certain spot so that he could get the perfect photo. By noon, when we joined Cheng’s family for lunch, he was a busy, typical boy, running around wild. BingHui also was not in the least intimidated by the restaurant. Honestly, he charmed the pants off of everyone. After lunch, we tried to get him to take a nap with Connor and failed miserably. No nap today apparently. Around 3p, Xiao (our exchange student from last year) arrived at the hotel. We briefly introduced Xiao to BingHui, and then it was time to go back to the lobby of the hotel to wait for the arrival of FengHong. Our guide told us that FengHong had been carsick, and they would be a little late. That concerned us a bit. Was it really motion sickness or something more serious? When he walked in, he looked exactly as we remembered him from the video. We barely got to greet FengHong when we were distracted by the orphanage director about the paperwork. One of the papers seemed to be missing, and one had my name spelled wrong. More hassles, a few phone calls, and I had to run back up to the room to get my copy of our homestudy. When I got back to the lobby, I saw Connor and FengHong playing a game that involves a string and a wheel. At 4:30pm, our guide took all four of us (I had Connor go back to the room with Xiao) to a photo kiosk to take photos of us with the kids. It was an official government photo for the adoption. By the time we arrived back at the room it was 5pm, and Cheng’s parents were supposed to come over at 6p to join us for dinner. I just couldn’t see the kids dealing with a long, elaborate dinner. We had all had enough excitement for one day, and I asked Xiao to call Cheng’s parents and explain that we weren’t going to be able to see them. I felt terrible canceling on them, especially after they went to so much trouble to meet us here, but I had to put the needs of the children first. David, Xiao and I took them to the hotel pool, where they splashed and played, and we ate Chinese food in the room. All the children were asleep by 8pm. Day one was a resounding success. The boys all seem to like each other and both BingHui and FengHong seem like amazing kids. Thank you, God.

It's almost time!

It's the night before we travel to China, and here it is almost midnight, and I'm cleaning out the refrigerator. I'm sure you are asking yourself, why is she cleaning out the refrigerator at midnight? Well, we're going to be gone for almost 3 weeks, and I wanted to clean out the fridge and freezer before we leave.We're going to turn it off while we are gone.Why at midnight? That is a very good question indeed. I just can't sleep. Every night, I wake up around 3 Am, and then I spend the rest of the night just thinking, thinking, thinking through everything I have to do before we travel. Once I am awake, it's hard for me to go back to sleep. Last night, in the wee hours of the morning, I remembered dreaming about the four foster children we had, plus the two we are adopting, plus another little Chinese boy. In the dream, they were all calling me mommy, and we were all really juggling to keep everything together. Yikes!!! But my point is this; I'm up this late cleaning out the refrigerator because I've resigned myself to just not sleeping. I'm worried about the children, and I'm simply not going to sleep until we finalize the adoptions. Really, we are all just counting down the hours until we bring home our boys!

Documents and more documents

Our WACAP caseworker called me yesterday to go over all the documents we need to hand carry to China. Our pile of paperwork is over a foot tall, and we need to hand carry many of the important documents with us when we travel. David spent hours and hours photocopying and scanning paperwork into the computer (as a back-up) this week, and I found out yesterday he's not done yet. David made 5 copies of our passports, for example, and it turns out we need five copies for EACH adoption. That means, for some reason, we need to have 10 copies of our passports, and 10 copies of the visa page in our passport. Twenty sheets of paper, just for one of the items on the document list. No getting around it; there is an incredible the amount of paperwork involved when adopting. With the age of scanning and emailing pdf files, I would have thought that hardcopies would not be necessary anymore. Nothing could be further from the truth. But, after going through the mountain of papers, I do have a concise pile all ready to pack. Only 4 more days until we leave, and 6 more days until we get to hold our sons in our arms!

Coffee

It's funny how communication can sometimes be so difficult. Take coffee, for instance. A month or so ago, I asked Cheng for some suggestions on gifts to bring to China. It is customary to give anyone who helps us during the trip a gift from America. Cheng suggested American coffee. I was always under the impression that Chinese people did not drink coffee, but Cheng assured me that they do, and they enjoy coffee as a present (along with cigarettes). I diligently bought 7 or 8 bags of Starbucks, New England Coffee, and Green Mountain Coffee. The other day, Cheng casually asked me if I'm bringing the coffee machine (maker) to China. I responded, no, of course not. Why would I pack a coffee maker? It won't work in China unless we also bring an electric converter, and it's too big and fragile to transport easily. Well, if I'm not bringing the coffeemaker, I was told, then I don't need to bring coffee as gifts. What I didn't understand at first, is that people in China only make INSTANT coffee, since they do not own electric coffeemakers. Ahh haa. Now back to the drawing board for gifts, and we'll be drinking more expensive coffee at home for awhile. Fortunately, I found out yesterday that two of our guides are women, and one is male. That helps me decide on gifts. Another appreciated gift, other than cigarettes, is cosmetics. So today I bought $50 worth of cosmetics in various kits. We also received all our final documents today. We are officially READY TO GO MEET OUR SONS! I really pray they WANT to be adopted, as much as we want to adopt them.

Support Groups

Earlier in the adoption process, I looked into adoption support groups. There is a group that meets monthly in Geneseo, but it is run by the Department of Social Services. First of all, most of the people who attend are foster-parent/adoptions, and secondly, I'm a bit down on DSS lately. I've sent a bunch of inquiries as to how our four (former) foster children are faring (like the alliteration?), and they don't even give me the courtesy of a response. I decided I'd better join Families with Children from China in Rochester. I originally hesitated to join FCC because it seems as if the emphasis is on adopted Chinese girls who were adopted as babies; our situation is quite different. Nonetheless, I sent in my $25 joining fee, and we will see what type of support they can offer our family when we get them home. I also joined two listserv Yahoo groups about Chinese adoption, and I've engaged in online conversation with a few other parents who have adopted older children. While waiting for Connor (who attends various lessons) the last two days, I re-read a bunch of articles that the social worker and pediatrician gave us on adoption, bonding, learning disabilities, language acquisition, identity formation, culture shock etc. etc. I am a fast reader, and I still spent 4-5 hours reading the stack of literature. Whew. I just hope and pray that our boys bond with us and feel happy to be a part of our crazy, but wonderful, family!