Friday, November 7, 2008
Everyone in my family has blogged a lot, and I mean a lot, especially Connor.Therefore, I am not very good at it, so I'll try my best and you let me know how I did (lol). So anyway, as you all have probably heard a billion times. We are trying to adopt a Chinese boy. My parents are constantly discussing what we should name him. I think that we should just keep his Chinese name. It will make everything easier so that we don't have to go through the process of "Do you like this name? What about this name? How about naming him this?" Besides, everyone in our family enjoys saying names in Chinese! I think it's just the fact of how it rolls over your tongue and whistles through your teeth. I just love saying Xiao, our exchange student's name. I am really looking forward to getting another brother. Adopting another brother will really change the trajectory of our futures (in a positive way). I know, I know, you are probably thinking that there must be another side of the story. Well, there is.Well, don't get me wrong, I like the whole adoption idea and everything, it's just that I'm afraid that if we get another child that he will be another Connor. You can only have so much of Connor. You can only put up with Connor in small doses, so living with him can sometimes be a pain. I am afraid that mom will treat our new little brother like she treats Connor; you know, with the whole "Oh, he's so brilliant, and articulate." That gets me so annoyed! Well anyway the chances of my new brother being another Connor is pretty slim. Well I have to go now Xiao (our exchange student) wants me to go break dance with him.
In the Chinese orphanage, I heard that everyone shares a bed. There's usually 5-10 people in one room. So I will have to share my bed with my new little brother so that will know me better and get used to me. We have an extra bedroom, but my new brother will not want to be alone in a strange country. I will hope that he will like me. I can take care of him like I do with my little cousin, Eric.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Most of the feedback we've gotten from friends and family has been very positive, but a few have been a little "cautious" in their encouragement. I, more than most, can relate to being "hesitant" to embrace new ideas. I have always been quick to see the negative side of everything first. This works well in that one makes few mistakes...but also does very little. I have learned over the years that being quick to say no to everything (especially when the idea takes you by surprise) can make saying no become a habit and easily foster a negative attitude toward life. I tend to find that after I toss the ideas around for a while I start to have a better sense of how to react to them...and how my reaction will be received by others.
We might not be able to adopt from China! We might not be able to adopt because my mom and father have not been married for at least 5 years and that is a rule in China. If we wait until July (5 years of marriage) then it'll take an extra year almost. So If things do not work out I will cry:( But we might be able to adopt a different child from a different country, and that will be ok.) My mom told me that 99.9 percent of the kids in orphanages have diseases such as worms, scabies, lice,high lead results, etc. If we get to adopt it is possible that he will most likely have one of these things. Mom has already got the medication for some of these diseases so we could treat them in China before we travel home.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
This is my blog about the home study, so it will be from a different point of view. The lady who came to check our home was nice and understanding. I showed her around the house. She asked me about my feelings about adopting and this is what I really said (mom had it wrong), "Life is short so you cannot change the world, and if you change the life of just one person, well, you're off to a pretty good start". Also, I said that my mom hates doing nothing, so when Austin grows up and there's only me, she will not have anyone to take care of, and no matter how much she complains, she still really enjoys it. Well, Mom, Dad, and the social worker all looked stunned at what I said. I thought to myself, you asked me what I felt like and that's my answer. I then went to get some hot milk. After I was done with my milk, I went up stairs and went to bed.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
So last night the social worker who is in charge of our home-study came for her first home visit. Yes, we got home from NYC (and running the 26 mile marathon) an hour before we had to have our home inspection and interview. Overall,it wasn't too bad. I limped around a bit, and our suitcases weren't yet unpacked, but we know that isn't what constitutes good parents. We also know that our social worker would understand that we just drove 6 hours and had a long weekend. Connor, as usual, was articulate and funny. He showed the house as if it was for sale, pointing out the plethora of windows and large closets. Too funny. But what really struck me was Connor's understanding of our motivation to adopt. When the social worker asked Connor why he thinks we want to adopt, he explained in great detail his mother's desire to have a house full of children. Then he went on to say something like, "Life is short. We can't always do what we want or solve world problems. But I believe that if we can change the life of one child, then we can make a difference while we are here." Honestly, we didn't rehearse that or anything. I wish I could really quote him accurately because he was so right on the money, but I can't remember what he said verbatim. Anyway, we feel as if we are all on the same page, and we are all committed to doing what we can for a child.
After arriving home from running the NYC marathon (which is a story in itself), I found an email entitled "bad news." Our adoption coordinator thinks that China is going to decline our pre-approval because we have not been married a minimum of 5 years. We can submit the pre-approval paperwork anyway, and hope the Chinese government overlooks our marriage date because we are adopting a waiting child, we can wait until our 5 year anniversary in July to apply, or we can switch to a different program (country). Hmmmm. We decided we are not ready to just switch programs, even though there are many waiting children all over the world who are equally in need. We do not want to wait until July to apply, because after the application is approved it is still usually a year before the child comes home. If we go forward now and then get rejected, we lose the time and also some of the fees ($500). After considering the options, we still lean towards giving it a try. IF we get rejected, which is likely, then we can move to a different program (such as Thailand) at that time. The risks we don't take are the ones we always regret. If we spend the time and the money now, and it doesn't work out; well, we gave it our best shot. So, I guess we know what to do. It won't be the first time we spent money and had the outcome less than perfect.